Showing Vs Telling Essay Format

Show, Don’t Tell

By Erin

Anyone who’s ever written a short story or taken a freshman composition course has heard the words “show, don’t tell.”

I know those words can be frustrating. You might not know exactly what “show, don’t tell” means. Or you might believe that you are showing when you’re really telling.

While “telling” can be useful, even necessary, most people don’t realize how vital “showing” is to an effective story, essay, or even a blog post. Showing allows the reader to follow the author into the moment, to see and feel and experience what the author has experienced. Using the proper balance of showing and telling will make your writing more interesting and effective.

“Okay, I get it,” you’re thinking. “But how do I do it? How do I bring more ‘showing’ into my writing?”

I’m glad you asked. Here are some tips that will help make your writing more vivid and alive for your reader.

1. Use dialogue

This is probably one of the first things I talk to my students about when I have them write personal essays. Dialogue allows the reader to experience a scene as if they were there. Instead of telling the reader your mom was angry, they can hear it for themselves:

“Justin Michael,” mom bellowed, “Get in here this instant!”

Dialogue can give your reader a great deal about character, emotion and mood.

2. Use sensory language

In order for readers to fully experience what you’re writing about, they need to be able to see, hear, taste, smell and touch the world around them. Try to use language that incorporates several senses, not just sight.

3. Be descriptive

I’m sure everyone remembers learning to use adjectives and adverbs in elementary school. When we’re told to be more descriptive, it’s easy to go back to those things that we were taught. But being descriptive is more than just inserting a string of descriptive words. It’s carefully choosing the right words and using them sparingly to convey your meaning.

The following example is from a short story I wrote.

Telling: He sits on the couch holding his guitar.

There’s nothing wrong with that sentence. It gives the reader some basic information, but it doesn’t create an image. Compare that sentence with this:

Showing: His eyes are closed, and he’s cradling the guitar in his arms like a lover. It’s as if he’s trying to hold on to something that wants to let go.

The second example takes that basic information and paints a picture with it. It also uses figurative language—in this case, the simile “cradling the guitar in his arms like a lover”—to help create an image.

When using description, it’s important not to overdo it. Otherwise, you can end up with what I call “police blotter” description. For example:

He was tall, with brown hair and blue eyes. He wore a red shirt and jeans, and a brown leather jacket.

4. Be specific, not vague

This is another one I’m constantly reminding my college students about. Frequently, they will turn in essays with vague, fuzzy language. I’m not sure if they think this type of writing sounds more academic, but all it really does is frustrate the reader.

Instead of writing, “I had never felt anything like it before in my entire life,” take the time to try and describe what that feeling was, and then decide how best to convey that feeling to the reader. Your readers will thank you for it.

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32 Responses to “Show, Don’t Tell”

  • Linds

    Thank you for these examples. It is not often that people who are telling a person to do something, the “how”, if you will, actually understand that those studying need to get to grips with the actual “yes, but HOW??!” of the topic.

    Using examples, as you have done, clears it all up. Yes, we still need practice, but now at least we know WHAT to practice and HOW to practice! Because now, it makes sense.

    The other comments on here are great too. Some fab contributions to helping comprehend the topic.

  • Ocie

    Hello Erin! Thank you so much for this article. Now I know that I actually HAVE been showing instead of telling this entire time. Most of my author friends who acted as temporary betas kept saying I was telling too much. Really, it was just too much description.
    None of them had explained to me what this meant. I don’t write for other people, and so I don’t write as they WANT me to. I write as myself, but then they tell me my writing style is wrong. SO, again, Thank you. I now have confidence again. 🙂

27Jun

Essay Rules: Show, Don’t Tell

Weaving In Stories and Evidence Throughout Your Essay

Demonstrating Your Qualities without Bragging

There is a fine line between a confident, capable applicant and an arrogant, self-absorbed applicant. You may find yourself faced with the problem that many qualified students face when crafting their college application essay: how to display all of your positive attributes without boasting. The trick to solving this problem is demonstrating rather than proclaiming (i.e. showing, rather than telling). You can do this by tactfully using a variety of examples, short anecdotes, or even a single long narrative to present yourself in the best possible light.

Stripping your Essay of Vanity

Before helping you decide what examples and narratives to use, let us go over words and elements that should not appear in your college applications essay:

  • Do not use superlative adjectives (great, fantastic, super, extraordinary) when describing yourself. Let your reader deduce your awesomeness from the material that you present.
  • Do not make unsupported claims. You do not want to say “I am great at being a team leader.” Why should the reader trust your unsubstantiated self-praise? People often have very skewed perceptions of themselves, so merely stating your high opinion of yourself is not going to cut it.
  • Do not include compliments to yourself from other people without context or explanation. You do not want to say something like, “My English teacher calls me her most brilliant student.” This is simply a less direct method of bragging. Instead, explain what you have done to achieve the respect and admiration of teachers and fellow peers.

With these restrictions in mind, remember that it is good to demonstrate ambition. You can mention that it is your goal is to be a very successful politician or famous artist someday, for example. Writing about your goals and ambitions is not bragging; it is simply explaining that you have high standards which you hold yourself accountable for. Being goal-oriented is a very desirable trait in a prospective student.

How to Show

The way to show your positive attributes on paper is by using examples, anecdotes, or a single long narrative that you thread throughout your essay. These pieces of evidence will become a central part of your essay, providing needed support for your argument and illustrating what sort of person you are and strive to become.

Before selecting your stories, you must first decide on a thesis (see Developing Your Thesis to learn more). Next, think of your three supporting points (the topic sentences for each body paragraph). Once you have determined which points you want to support, think of examples that demonstrate or strengthen your supporting points. If you can think of a single very impactful story that supports your thesis and helps answer the prompt, you may use that as your long narrative.

Start by thinking of your most impressive accomplishments and the impact that you have generated. Think about the context of these achievements; can you think of several different accomplishments that demonstrate your positive attributes? If so, you can use 5-6 short anecdotes as your evidence (conveyed in 2-3 sentences each).

Is there a single narrative that you can use as supporting evidence which brings out several of your positive qualities? If so, tell the reader your story, focusing only on the relevant bits (again, in only 2-3 sentences at a time).

Here are some tips on what kind of stories and examples to avoid in your college admissions essay:

  • Irrelevant stories and examples. While you want to include examples that demonstrate your capabilities, you should be careful to select only examples that support your thesis and help answer the prompt. If you want to mention a valuable skill but can find no way to tie it into your paper, put it on your résumé or the activities section of the common application.
  • Too many stories. It is good to have plenty of examples, but you do not want to have more story than introspection (remember our 40/60 rule). Make sure that each story is integral to your point.
  • Stories that reveal negative qualities. Even if the story provides evidence that you are hardworking, it should not be included if it also includes evidence of any sort of misconduct, such as excessive partying or missing deadlines. Some prompts specifically ask for a failure. In response to these prompts, you may tell the reader about a failure if it has resulted in larger and more important success, or if it has contributed to your personal growth.
  • Stories with controversial content. Avoid politically-sensitive topics such as abortion, gun control, or the death penalty. If you do choose to include controversial material, make it clear that you are not pushing your views but rather standing up for something you believe in. Nevertheless, it is best to avoid including any controversial matter altogether. Your readers are only human and, as much as we would like for them to be objective, can still pass judgements that are irrelevant to your qualifications.

Take a look at Sharon’s introductory paragraph:

When you step into my foyer, you step into Moscow, my friends would always say. Russian television was always blasting in the background, and the smell of some Russian concoction that my mom was making always permeated through the household. I had to simultaneously assimilate into American culture while remembering my heritage. When I was younger I thought this cultural exposure was a nuisance, but I know think of it as a luxury—I have been able to learn from my background, adapt to new settings, and use my experience to help decide my field of study.

The first and second sentences are two short anecdotes. Sharon supports these anecdotes with an explanation found in the third sentence. The last sentence, her thesis, introduces how these anecdotes are relevant and how they feed into the three topics that will be discussed in her body paragraph: what she learned, how she adapted, and how these experiences will determine her future field of study. In this paragraph she presents herself as open-minded, cultural, and goal-oriented (she knows what she wants to study in college). She also sets herself up to discuss her future in college, where she might mention the programs and opportunities that she will take advantage of at the school of her choice.

Now you give it a try. Keep in mind your goals: answer the prompt, bring in relevant stories, and make yourself look good (without bragging!)

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